Is Your Church Healthy?
- Alex Belle
- Jul 13
- 6 min read
You probably don't think of your church as a cult, or as a high control group- most people inside one don’t. It probably looks fairly normal: singing, preaching, prayer meetings, etc.
Sure, some people on the outside might consider your church as too extreme, or too religious, a little odd...but that's what happens when you follow Jesus.
Right?
True believers will always be persecuted for righteousness' sake. You've read it in your Bible so many times, 'blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness'.
You've heard sermons on how the world will reject you, and that you must be willing to give up everything for Christ, friends, family- the Bible even says that your family will be turned against you.
Underneath, though, maybe something feels off. Possibly you feel exhausted, anxious, or afraid to question.
You know that questioning God, or those He's anointed on earth, is wrong, and will bring nothing but harm.
Perhaps you wonder why you feel trapped, even though you know this is where you’ll find true purpose.
I'm not here to talk about specific theology or beliefs. I'm here to talk about control, coercion, and manipulation. These are behaviors that can show up in any group, religious or not.
If any of this resonates with you, it’s very much worth asking, 'Is this church helping you live in the truth, or is it controlling you?'
What Makes Something a High-Control Group/Cult?
A cult, or high-control group, isn’t defined by their beliefs or numbers; but rather by behaviour. So what are those behaviours?
Manipulation
Isolation
Fear and guilt
Obedience to unquestioned leaders
Signs Your Church Might Be Controlling or Cult-Like
1. Leadership Is Above Questioning.
Example: Jo attended a large, charismatic church. In her church, questioning leadership was seen as a sign of spiritual rebellion. After she raised concerns about financial transparency, she was ostracized, told to “submit or leave”, that "you must not speak against God's anointed", and warned she was risking her salvation.
Healthy organisations welcome feedback. Controlling ones demand obedience.
2. Fear and Shame Keep You In Line.
Example: IBLP / Bill Gothard : The Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) used shame-based teachings, especially toward women, to control behavior. Survivors report being taught that any negative life event (illness, assault, financial trouble) was due to hidden sin or lack of submission. Fear of consequences kept them compliant for years.(Source: Shiny Happy People, 2023)
Manipulation through fear and shame is a hallmark of coercive control.
3. Your Whole Life Revolves Around the Group.
Example: Mark was part of a Pentecostal church. He was expected to serve in different church ministries for hours every week while working full-time. He believed that this was a godly thing to do, and was vital to bring in souls to the kingdom. When he tried to step back to take care of his mental health while things were busy at work, leaders said he was “choosing the cares of the world over God.” He lost his social circle overnight.
Isolation increases dependency on the group, making it harder to leave.
4. The Group Claims to Have the Only Truth.
Example: Mars Hill Church (USA) Under Mark Driscoll’s leadership, Mars Hill church cultivated an “us vs. them” mentality. Former members report being told other churches were weak or compromised and that Mars Hill was uniquely chosen by God. Dissent was labeled as spiritual immaturity or rebellion.(Source: The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, Christianity Today, 2023)
Control over information is a textbook cult tactic. It limits your choices by limiting your perspective.
5. The Rules Change to Benefit Leadership.
Example: Clara was a member of a small, independent church where leaders frequently said they were given a “word from the Spirit” regarding decisions. When the pastor’s behavior was questioned, he claimed God told him he was above reproach. Clara’s concerns were dismissed as gossip, and she was forced out while he stayed.
Double standards are a warning sign of exploitation.
6. Money, Time, and Energy Are Exploited.
Example: Hillsong Church (Global) Investigations revealed Hillsong pressured young members into unpaid labor, intense volunteering, and excessive financial giving while leadership lived extravagantly. Former volunteers report burnout, breakdowns, and exploitation disguised as faithfulness.(Source: McGowan, 2022, ABC Australia Four Corners)
Excessive demands disguised as devotion serve the leadership, not your well-being.
7. You Feel Smaller, Not Stronger.
Example: Ellie was quite opinionated growing up, but had spent many hours in prayer to get rid of her 'rebellious spirit'. Over time, she realized she no longer trusted herself to make decisions without approval, and her identity had been reduced to her obedience. Eventually she recognised she’d been gaslit into believing she was incapable without the church’s guidance, that had been repackaged as God's.
Healthy communities build people up. Coercive ones break them down to make them easier to control.
Psychological Tactics You Might Notice
These behaviours often show up in high-control environments:
These tactics aren’t random. They’re designed to keep you dependent and obedient.
Why It's Hard to See Clearly When You're Inside
Control happens slowly. It often starts with community, kindness, and promises of God's goodness in your life. However, over time, things change.
You’re discouraged from thinking critically.
You’re told your doubts are dangerous.
You’re isolated from people who might help you see clearly.
You’re convinced the problem is you, not the group.
“The most terrifying thing wasn’t leaving. It was realizing how much of myself I had lost as I tried to rebuild my life. I didn't even know my own likes and dislikes” — Former member of a high control group
Why People Stay (Even if They're Unhappy)
Fear: Of losing friends, family, faith, identity.
Guilt: “If I leave, I’m betraying God/people/my calling.”
Hope: “Maybe it will get better once I deal with my sin, and get rid of oppressive spirits.”
Isolation: No connections outside the group.
Shame: “Leaving proves I’m weak, sinful, or broken; plus I would have to admit to being tricked.”
If this is all too familiar, you’re not alone. A lot of people stay far longer than they want to because the hooks run deep.
The Psychological Impact of High-Control Churches
Leaving isn’t just about walking out the door. These environments can leave deep, lasting scars:
Religious Trauma Syndrome (Ward, 2011) includes anxiety, depression, nightmares, panic, and identity loss.
Survivors often struggle with trusting themselves, boundaries, and decision-making.
Some feel intense grief, shame, or fear of punishment for years.
What You Can Do If You're Starting to Question
1. Educate Yourself.
Learn about cult dynamics, coercive control, and psychological manipulation. Knowledge can help you work through confusion.
2. Journal Your Feelings.
Write down what’s happening, how you feel, what your fears are, and what you want. This may help clarify whether your instincts are being manipulated.
3. Connect with People Outside.
Find safe, non-judgmental friends, support groups, or therapists -especially those familiar with religious trauma or high-control environments.
4. Take Your Time.
You don’t have to make any big decisions right now. Start by listening to what you're feeling. Your doubts are worth exploring, and even the Bible says to
study to show yourself approved, and that believers must always be ready to give an answer for the hope in them.
You Deserve Autonomy and Respect
A healthy group respects:
Your boundaries
Your questions
Your freedom to come and go
Your need for relationships outside the group
Your well-being over the group’s growth
If that’s not what you’re experiencing, it’s okay to ask: Who benefits from my staying silent, confused, and exhausted?
You Are Not Alone.
Thousands of people have left high-control churches and reclaimed their lives, and there are amazing groups out there who will talk to you without any judgment.
You are allowed to leave. You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to protect your peace.
Resources
International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA)
Religious Trauma Institute
Freedom of Mind Resource Centre (Steven Hassan)
Survivors of Coercive and High-Control Groups (SOCCHG) www.socchg.org
***Examples are a mix of fictional case studies drawn from real experiences, and survivor stories provided to media referenced
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